he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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