i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
