i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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