i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
