you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
