he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
