I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
