guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
