Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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