Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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