I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
