I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
