Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
