3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
