Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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