I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
where am i from again
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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