During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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