I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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