Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
