I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
