you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
