atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
