her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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