There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize