I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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