Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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