Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
