I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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