I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
