GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize