umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
