with your own penis?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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