I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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