he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
