I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
