First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
