i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
