Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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