I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
