ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
