worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
