I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I love having hate sex.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
where are my eyebrows?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
