My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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