I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
