Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
