ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
ttyl tear gas
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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