So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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