we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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