something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
