: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
