I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
a search helicopter?!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
