Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
