I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
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