we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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