Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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