well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
