guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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