I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
