How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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