If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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