That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He shit in the fireplace
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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