just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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